Heads Up, Folks: Politika Grammatika

When you are recounting a conversation between yourself and another, please refrain from using the phrase, “So I says . . .”
You cannot cleave the word “another” to form the solecism “a whole nother ____.” It is either “another ___,” or “a whole other ___.” Please stop saying “nother.”
“Anyways” is not an acceptable replacement for [...]

My Panties on the Internets

So I was searching Blingo (!) for “knitted panties pattern” because I’m feeling a need to be knitting some knickers and, well, that’s what I do.
Check out what I found: Knitting Erotica.
“So what?” you may say, “We get it, already, Mad. Knitting is sexy. Fine.”
You have to click on the link and scroll down, because [...]

kill me now, please. no, seriously.

i’m taking my car to the shop in the morning. most likely danny the mechanny will tell me it needs a new clutch.
most likely it will cost me nine hundred dollars.
you know, because i made money this month, and the universe enjoys a good laugh.
i feel sick.
and not above blowing my mechanic for automotive favors.
Update: [...]

Brunch

After a 22-hour long date with Joe involving NCAA men’s basketball tournaments, king crab legs as big as my arm, copious quantities of alcohol, cigars, weed and a crazy blowjob, I met my girlfriends for brunch. It was all very SITC but with less skin and nobody was wearing a trashy gold necklace.
Joe was making [...]

Chicago. Damn.

So, I think I really need to make plans to go to Chi-Town.
Why?
Several reasons, two of which are this person and this person.
Seriously, with copy like this, I’m inclined to stalk the hell out of Mimi just so I can give her daughter the skull and crossbones mini purse I knitted. Then we can do [...]

My Life, It is so Glamourful.

I’m tired. Overwhelmed by too much housework and not enough workwork.
Jack is home, whining, because 1) he is tired and 2) he is constipated.
It’s not funny. A constipated four year old is not funny at all. He’s freaking out, scared to poop, and my fuse, she is not so long.
I should go; he wants to [...]

On Toast.

Many of you know that my favorite food is toast. I’m admittedly not that keen on bread, but dry it out a bit in a warming device and lightly brown and crisp the outside? Then put stuff on it?
Yes, please.
Toast, along with my second favorite food, crackers, is awesome because it’s a clever delivery vehicle. [...]

Peep Show

You always knew I was sweet and gooey and virtually imperishable, now here’s proof.
I’m on 25peeps.com
Go check it out, and click on my photo:

The more clicks that photo gets, the longer this peep stays on the front page.
Come on, it’s dorky but fun and marshmallow-y good.
Just in time for Easter.
(Peeps image via Poplicks.com)

Crush

Miles wants to hang out with the younger brother of his friend Gunnar.
Bragi is four years old and Miles just told me that when he goes to Gunnar’s for a sleepover he hopes that Bragi will be there.
Because Bragi, besides being totally adorable and stuff, has a habit of spitting when he talks, which Miles [...]

Darwinian Pick Up Lines!

Skepchick held a contest for the best Darwinian pick up lines. My favorite:
Girl, you so fine, you make me want to do a Cambrian explosion between your strata.
Hee! You can read the list here.
(via Sexoteric)