a letter to mr. krups

dear herr krups,

i am writing to express my extreme annoyance at the design of my (your) espresso machine.

i don’t know the model number, nor do i have my original receipt. what i do have are second degree burns on my thigh from the damn lid falling off the carafe whilst pouring my daily cup of awesome locally-roasted black stuff.

i noticed this problem when i first acquired the machine, and solved it (sorta) by not using the lid–by storing the lid in the cabinet–thus avoiding plastic-top-falling-onto-counter-every-time-i-pour syndrome, but resulting in tiny little coffee drips all over my counter from the espressing coffee drops being forced into the carafe. that’s messy. i don’t like messy.

so i resumed use of the lid, which has a pour spout and a center opening for the tip of the coffee chamber, sealing off the spattering spray of white-hot liquid from its surroundings. i realize the value of the black plastic lid. it has saved my countertop from daily pinpricks of coffee spots, but has required that i tip my cup up and brace the lid against its rim to avoid a brown deluge which spreads over my counter and floor and sometimes, the clean dishes in the drainboard. that is a drag, man.

i can do the whole bracing thing, but on mornings like this one, when i wake up as if from a hundred years’ sleep, i sorta forget. i sorta just pour and realize just as the lid is tipping off that “shit, i forgot to brace it on the cup rim” and it’s part in my cup, part on the counter, part splashed onto my naked thigh. and it hurts, herr krups. it hurts me real bad.

so, even though i bought it four years ago at a garage sale for five dollars, i really don’t want a newer, replacement machine. i like this one’s simplicity and workhorse durability. i don’t care for the frothing, the self-timers, the auto-grind features of fancypants machines. i just want mine to brew great coffee. which it does.

then i have to figure out how to pour it. i hope you understand what a problem this task is first thing in the morning for someone who has not had coffee yet.

please send a custom lid to me at the enclosed address.

espressly yours,

madeline

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