Category Archives: Blogging

Decorum, Please

I’m not sure why, but it really annoys the hell out of me when I get emails requesting a “link exchange.”

Take that back, I AM sure why.

It’s like that MySpace thingie, which also pisses me off that people I don’t know think it’s okay to send me a friend request without the common courtesy of a note of introduction. Like, give me something to work with, people.

Sigh. Maybe I’m just not meta enough, but when I add someone to my blogroll it’s because I like their site. And people who pay attention to their stats will see that i’ve added them and maybe they’ll add me, and maybe they won’t, but that’s oh-the-hell-kay. Whatever!

I guess I just don’t appreciate the blatant, in-my-face, oh-so-close-to-rude suggestions that a link exchange will “benefit us both.” I like my online friends, and I’ve met them all by following links, but I also think that, in this big series of tubes, things will get sorted out eventually.

I’m like a kid when it comes to this: If you tell me to do something, no way am I going to. Just to show you that you can’t boss me around. (Whoa, Mads, you’re all tough and shit. Jeeeeeze.)

And if you really really really want me to be your friend and link to your site and you can’t STAND it, a flattering email will get you far.

Who doesn’t like to get mail?

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Filed under Blogging, Frustration

Hi and Sorry for all the Links.

Ho, Yes I Did.

So, I’ve been busy. There’s the Naked Bits gig, which I’m totally loving, and I hope you are, too, so while you’re sitting at your computer anyway, send off a little note to the Village Voice telling them how hard Audacia Ray’s Naked City rocks. Michael Musto shouldn’t get all the glory. Loveyoumichaelloveyourhairmwah!

Turns out that regular writing for the above has given me back the “huh, I should maybe blog about something” bug again, which is good, because blogging or rambling or digital diarrhea or whatever you’d like to call it, serves as a kind of warm up for better stuff. And I’ve been doing better stuff.

Like, hey, I wrote a book! Okay, not my own concept, and not Pulitzer stuff, but writing for hire is writing for hire, and I got paid to write a funny, silly, sexy little book. Often I found it more funny than sexy, but that’s partly because I laugh a lot while fucking. Actually, probably because the process of the book was pretty hilarious. I don’t know what it’s called yet, and the last I heard it’ll be published, like, Spring of 2009. That seems forever from now, but then I’m still unpacking from my summer vacation last year, so I think we can all guess how the time will go from here. I will, of course, post more when I know more, but hey, I thought that was kind of fun. Also, there are lots of hilarious naked photographs on my computer now that I desperately need to drag over to the external HD. No, I’m not getting rid of them, they turn me on and make me laugh simultaneously. That’s good stuff, folks.

Also, hey, I’ve got a story in the Rachel Kramer Bussel’s forthcoming anthology Spanked: Red Cheeked Erotica, available for preorder here. Check out the blog here. My story is called Laser Tag. I think it’s funny. Rachel apparently thinks it’s hot, and it’s based loosely on events from a Flaming Lips show last summer. So there’s that. Order the book! Get it in July! Imagine the poolside/seaside conversations you could be having once you’ve been spotted reading it. (Uh, seriously? I’d buy it for the cover alone. Yow.)

I’m working on another nameless writing project which I hope will garner more coinage, contacts and constructive criticism (unless said criticism finds fault with my rampant and mostly unintentional use of alliteration), because I’m really kind of digging this.

Um, what else?

My ex still thinks it’s okay to be superbly behind on his support for our children, so that’s a nice constant, but I believe I am steadily making strides toward not totally relying on him. Like, omg, what if he made a ton of money and decided to all of a sudden write a check for everything he owes? Dudes, I would skip my happy ass to the bank, wait cynically for five business days to make sure it cleared, and fucking go to Disneyland. Or Canada, because I think that overall, Canada’s a pretty happy place and giant mice pretty much eliminate the fun factor for me.

Okay, so let’s recap: I’m doing well, not flush enough to attend Pilcrow and support my ladies Amy Guth and Leah Jones (Wah!), but things are moving and I’m doing pretty okay. I could stand to exercise more, to look awesome for my future book signings, so I’ve set myself up an online running log. If you’re on Active.com come over and say hi. Apparently I can’t get enough of the social networking doohickie. Though I’ve heretofore resisted Facebook, my sense is that eventually I will crumble to its will.

Along the same lines, Twitter seems to have taken over as my preferred method of disseminating awesomeness across the interwebs. So easy to just pick up my Blackberry and go “woah, check this out!<< Link>>” (Seriously, check it out.) You can follow my Twitter updates if you want. Probably I won’t insult you or anyone you know and if I do, probably you/they are mean and deserved it, and/or it’s funny.

Let’s go have some fun.

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Filed under Blogging, Friends, Writing

Happy International Day of Awesomeness!

Thanks to @leahjones, I bring you greetings on this, the first International Day of Awesomeness. More about the day here.

Shortie-short post, but just have to say, it’s March 10th because that’s Chuck Norris’ birthday. Hah!

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Filed under Blogging, Internet

I Like You. You, Notsomuch.

On Xmas eve Jack decided to cut his hair. It was my mother’s fault for leaving the wrapping paper and scissors and tape out, and he could just as easily have decided to disguise himself as a gift, I suppose, but he hacked into his bangs instead. On the cowlick side. So, whatever, I took him to see Vix, who cuts my hair and she gave him the awesomest David Bowie c. 1977 haircut ever.

bingbowie.jpg

She also gave me a copy of I Like You: Entertaining Under the Influence by Amy Sedaris. This is a book you should have for the back cover photo alone, not to mention the gobs of info and hilarity inside. Seriously, guys, I want to be invited to a party at Amy’s. I would bring piles of quarters to buy things and also a present for her bunny. I would!

Got up at 3:30 and drove my boys to the airport to visit their dad for a week. Came home SEVEN HOURS LATER and shoveled the sidewalk. Clients have canceled appointments today, so I’m staying in and writing with my spankin’ new Sirius-via-DishNetwork Satellite Radio.

I really dislike the DishNetwork Customer Service people.

I’m not a big fan of the dude who installed my system. I am a big fan of the dude who bought my system.

I was actually more excited about the Amy Sedaris book, though I do like the Sirius channels. Now I am going to listen to them.

Going.

Cleaning.

Sniffling.

Sleeping?

Please, let me sleep.

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Filed under Blogging

Chappy Chanukah

Last night the boys and I celebrated by watching the Mary Martin/Cyril Ritchards broadcast version of Peter Pan. On a new TV which doubles as a computer monitor for me, so it’s a space saver and tax-deductible cos I’m a writerly sort who writes writeful things for money.

I hate shopping. But I needed it. But I hate shopping. But can’t someone just bring it over? Ugh, I went to the store at 3PM on a Tuesday to avoid that “going shopping” feeling. It’s pretty, and not hyooge, and it fits in my computer armoire, so I can hide it. Crucial.

I still felt a little ill sticking it into my car yesterday, even though it was way on sale and I even escaped getting sucked into the extended warranty at B*st B*y.  The dude who looked like Tracy Morgan from SNL? Totally didn’t get that commission. Because, see, I want you to help me. The worst thing you can do if I walk into your store is leave me alone because I’ll most likely just get overwhelmed and leave. I have questions, dammit! Your job is to be available enough for me to catch your eye when I need advice, and distanced enough to not make me uncomfortable. Like a good waiter. But that guy left me, like, three times and I found someone else to sell me electronics.

I’m feeling a bit better this morning, after setting it up and arranging components.

And now I’ve just figured out how to dim the backlight so my eyes are not accosted by the vast white expanse of Word. Now to work. Latkes tonight.

Eeeep!

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Filed under Blogging, Chanukah, Jewish, Kids

Hey, Julie

For all my independence and self-reliance, sometimes I really want to be this girl.

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Filed under Blogging, Frustration, Girldom, Music

Incurably Romantic. Or Something.

Hah!

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Filed under Blogging, Funny, Music